well,
finally, i cry it out. finally.
even since my father's cremation, i dont recall myself crying that hard anymore. or rather i seem to have already forgotten how to cry.
finally, the tears collected reached its max, and i let it flow.

i thank God for being the one who help me reflect on my feelings, i thank God for being there. i thank God for loving me. i think God for his love. never understood it but it is always there.

the pain is still so raw, so fresh. i dont dare to touch it, fearing the pain. but sometime people unknowingly touch it, sometime circumstances brush across it. well, maybe rachel just have to get stronger.

i hate the feeling of crying. i feel so out of control. but crying in front of you is so easy. i will not cry again, because they are the only ones who can make my tears flow.