if i have to give up half of my life to get back my papa and mummy. i'll be most wiliing to. this is not out of rashness. but have been thinking through for the past few days. life have been so so different since they left. or rather life have been empty.

i love them. for my mummy, she knows that i love her. she knows it. but for my father, he dont know. after my mummy passed away, i have been dwelling in my own world of my mummy and me. i have neglected him. every night when i come home, i'll see his sorrowful eyes. i want to go and comfort him but i dont how to. i can only go towards him and offer a prayer. then i go back to my room to think about my mummy. he cant feel any love from me. if only i spend more time w him.

i cannot see any future now. i can only see the past. the happy past. the past when things are complete w my parents and they know God. so complete. happy family. but now.. they left me alone to face the future.

the wounds are hurting so deeply. is so painful. i can still remember when he collaspe at home. when the amblance came. when i asked him to wait for me, dont leave me alone. he was holding my hands so tightly before he went into a coma.

i really want to go home. the home w my happy family.

i realise that my presence here on earth now doesnt mean anything to anyone.

it hurts. the pain i never felt before is doubling.