Sunday, February 25, 2007

i neve knew how blessed it is to have someone waiting for you at home.

i'm always home late. my parents are always very understanding. they didnt nag. they didnt scold and i take it for granted. i thought they will always be there to wait for me home. for a few time, i went back to my house to stay. and for a few time, i'm back very very late. walking under the same familar void deck to my lift. walking under the same moon. there's a pinch in my heart. without realizing it, i'm afraid my father will be unhappy. then another harder pinch came. they will no longer wait for me home already.

they are my parents. they are the one who really cares for me. or rather is in their nature to love me and to care for me. they cant help but to love me.

the truth is that now i really loved by alot around me. really. i know many are trying to make me happy, make me feel better and camfortable. but the truth is that i dont feel good bout it. cause the whole root issue and key is just that i lost my loved ones and i know the physical things that are happening around me wont make me happy again. i just feel that i'm a burden. a ma fan.

i can laugh and joke all i want. but what it is that i really want?

God, teach me. teach me how to continue on.

just let me have reunion dinner with them soon. i'm sian of everything already. my month is so numb by all the smiling.

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