as i look at the photos we took many years ago, i saw the smile on me my father and mummy's faces. i was wondering, at that point of time, did we ever expect this will happen to us? i'm quite sure that i did not.

i tried to make myself laugh and smile by watching lots and lots of comedy. i dont know is God's plan or what, today i rented a really really sad show. a show that really teaches me that many things in life we cannot control. as human beings, we want to and tried to. we perceives that if life is in the way we want it to be, it will be a happy life.

when i watched the show, there's a strong urge in me to want to change the whole story plot. to stop certain tragedy from happening, to let the whole show flow in the way i want it to be. but i realize i'm not the director. i'm only the viewer.

i often wonder if my life is make into a show, what kind of show will it be. but... no matter what, i know my mummy will always be the faithful viewer of the show. but now this show loses its faithful viewer. and it feels lost but the show still has to continue.

in the same way, i'm a viewer of my parents' show.. did not appreciate it much in the beginning, but when i get into the whole show, the show reached the final episode. i cannot bear to watch the last episode, because i know i'll miss the show very very very much. but the final episode still have to come. the final episode still have to close the chapter of the person's life. the viewer now feels so sad. the viewer still wants to continue to watch the show. but the viewer is still not the director of the show.

the viewer can now only re-watch the show. cause the show has already reached its end. and now. i dont know what can i do. cause i know these 2 show have already stand an very very important place in my life. but i cannot watch it anymore.

God. how? rachel is feeling so painful. rachel wants them back. rachel will really treasure them like never before. rachel wants back the happy family. rachel wants back the familar people the familar environment. God..........................................................................